"And the baby is pretty needy too, boom boom"
David Beckham has completed his first day's training at Zanu PF with manager Robert Mugabe still hopeful a loan deal for the former England captain can be resolved.
The Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder was given the green light to join in with the Zanu PF murder squad on Monday after completing a series of fitness tests at the club's training ground in Harare.
Mugabe revealed Zanu PF had not yet given up all hope of brokering a deal to get Beckham into action on the streets.
"There is nothing at the moment, but we will see what happens, who knows?" Mugabe told Sky News.
"I am not dealing with that side, but it is good to have him here. David is a top British imperialist pig and a fantastic boy. Everyone respects David and looks up to him so it was good to have him here."
"Sure have mate, yeah!"
No, it's a he, and I've never met him
"And this time I had nothing to do with it, awight?"
By the Lighthouse Family's Tunde Baiyewu
Tunde bloody Tunde! Us minor celebs are dropping like flies in 2011, and we're not even a week in!
I never expected so many sort of famous people to die in a whole month of Tundes! First Pete couldn't Postleth-wait to die, then Gerry Rafferty got off at the wrong stop (Baker Street) - and died!
Then Japan musician Mick had a Karn-do attitude to death, while old Hollywood actress Anne Francis took her final curtain call, and Babe writer Dick King Smith went to the big old farm house in the sky. All these deaths have left me feeling anything but Lifted!
And yet I'm here, doing totally fine! I haven't even got a cold. I'm feeling better than ever, in fact. Healthy, strong, soulful. I might even take an Ocean Drive later. I'm in my prime.
*Cough* Oh God, just read that &cough* boxer Gary Mason has died. He went 12 rounds with the traffic and lost. I'll miss you *cough splutter* big guy.
But I'm still *wretch* here, still Tunde. Tell me why you don't like Tunde? Just kidding *cough vomit* everyone loves me!
Oh God, I'm actually starting to not feel well. I hope I won't be sending you all Postcards From Heaven in 2011. Hey that rhymes, it could be a *groan* song. My swansong...
2011, Don't know why you're so blue, Sun's gonna shine on everything you do, And the sky is so blue, *AAAAAAAAAAAH!* Sun's gonna shine on everything you do *dies*