PETER ANDRE: "I'D HATE FOR MY LITTLE PRINCESS TO DO A MADDIE"
"I just wanted to share that. I've got to fill 500 words a week for my column and that was at least 20"
AMANDA HOLDEN: SIMON NEEDS A SHIT
"Yes, I've become the self-appointed spokesperson for every single thing he does...He's touching cloth now"
JOSEF FRITZL STILL READING HIS BLUE PLASTIC FILE* IN HIS CELL
"Ssh, I'm just getting to a good bit"
*The "file that made him smile"
PETE TOWNSHEND HITS TWITTER
Tweets while "researching" his book... http://twitter.com/realptownshend
PLEASE BUY MY NEW ALBUM
By Craig David
I'm bck! My fifth studio album Signed Sealed Delivered hits the shops on March 29, 2010, a collection of smooth Motown grooves and covers, given a modern twist.
I don't want to hear"One More Lie (Standing in the Shadows)" about being a washed up has been, lies said by losers who are "All Alone Tonight". "For Once In My Life", just leave me alone and let me bring the soul.
"I Heard It Through the Grapevine" that some people hate me, but it's not "Just My Imagination", these people are jealous. Sometimes when I'm "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay" in Southampton, I just say "Mercy Mercy Me ", "I Wonder Why" they don't get a life.
Mick Jagger isn't my dad, so it's not fair to say that "Papa Was a Rollin' Stone", but still, "Let's Stay Together" as ""This Could Be Love".
P DIDDY: I THOUGHT "KRYSTAL PALACE" WAS A NIGHTCLUB!
"What do you mean it's a motherfucking shit soccer club?"
JEALOUS MAT HORNE PLOTS TO KILL JAMES CORDEN
Asks actress Imelda Staunton for help
"Yes, let's get the fat cunt together. I love you"
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA? MITCH WINEHOUSE ADOPTS AN AFRICAN ORPHAN
Harare - Cab driving celebrity Mitch Winehouse, on-off father to troubled chanteuse Amy, has today surprised the showbiz world by announcing his adoption of a 9 year old African boy, Kwonge.
"He's doing great, he's a lovely little fella", a clearly excited Mitch announced, "I'm bringing him back to London to start his new life". But just moments later, cracks appeared to be showing, as Mitch added: "He's got a real problem. It's a sickness. He needs help".
Jetting off to the Caribbean on a make or break holiday, Mitch begged for time for Kwonge to exercise his demons, adding "he's fine, he's better than ever".
Speaking at the launch of his new autobiography "I Don't Like to talk About It", Mitch warned Blake Fielder Civil to stay away from young Kwonge, announced a new documentary about his adoption for Living2, and asked "Amy who?" when his daughter was mentioned.
WHERE ARE THEY NOW? EX SNAP RAPPER NOW WORKING AS A DOCTOR
"I'm as serious as a dancer, when I tell you you've got terminal cancer"
MASSIVE FACEBOOK AND TWITTER CAMPAIGN FAILS TO BRING COREY HAIM BACK TO LIFE
"Come on God, you can do it if you really want to! We could keep Corey alive for another 30 years for the price of one meal for Chris Moyles"
PETE TOWNSHEND LOST IN BRITISH LIBRARY
The Who legend first visited the enormous reference library in 2001, while researching for his long awaited book about paedophilia, but got carried away rocking out to his own tunes on a walkman and didn't hear anyone announcing the venue was closing for the evening.
Since that day, the rebellious star has been wandering deeper and deeper into the bowels of the library, looking for an exit, having crazy adventures, and paying for child pornography on his credit card.
LILY ALLEN COMES OUT OF RETIREMENT TO ANNOUNCE RETIREMENT (AGAIN)
"This is definitely the last time for me, you won't hear from me again. This is it. the end. Well, until July, obviously. Shit, that was another thing you heard from me. OK, NOW I'm retiring. Honest...Just wanted to mention I'm launching a new record label and starring in an ironic panto this month. Shit, no! I'm retiring".
BOWING TO PUBLIC PRESSURE, GOVERNMENT RELEASES THE TRUTH ABOUT VENABLES
"He took a few bungs in his time"