DARK BEIGE IS BACK >>
Daily comedy website covering celebrities, TV, film, music, characters and more.
We hate you, you're not our real dad
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
19 YEAR OLD FROM ESSEX REVEALED AS HACKER...NO RECENT PHOTOS AVAILABLE
The boy....6 years ago
His computer...20 years ago
His home...60 years ago
CONVICTED PAEDOPHILE APOLOGISES FOR 'GIGANTIC ERROR OF JUDGEMENT' IN LENDING FERGIE £15,000
"This is deeply embarrassing...What was I thinking?"
THAT EXPLAINS THE T SHIRT
Raoul Moat outed (Mouted) as gay
No need to be ashamed, Raoul - don't look so red faced.
Oh
CHARLES AND CAMILLA SHOCKED BY DIGITAL SPY
"What do you mean Alexandra Burke's next album will be sexier? It can't be!"
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/music/news/a292278/alexandra-burke-lp-two-will-be-sexier.html
DAVID BECKHAM USED IN GOVERNMENT BID TO STOP HEAVY SNOW
"Come on snow, mate, stop falling. I'd really appreciate it"
LORD SUGAR SENDS MESSAGE TO BRITISH COUPLE JUST RELEASED BY SOMALI PIRATES
"Buy my book. I've got loads of followers on twitter"
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?
Are YOU the fire extinguisher wielding hero who saved countless lives with his quick thinking actions at Thursday's student demonstration in London? If so, come forward NOW for a massive reward.
This handsome hero rushed into action when he thought he saw a small fire breaking out on the ground, 20 storeys below him, and, without thinking of his own safety, grabbed the nearest fire extinguisher and hurled it down to the crowds below, to help extinguish the flame.
It is often said of the younger generation that they lack heroes. But look at that strong, bovine jaw, that cheeky, rakish smile, that casual brown jacket - this is our generation's Winston Churchill.
Arise, Sir Student on Roof - your time has come.
CHILESEAN MINERS SHOULD BE RESCUED FROM ADRIAN'S ARSE "WITHIN HOURS"
Rescuers hope to reach the 33 miners trapped underground in TV presenter Adrian Chiles' arse within 24 hours.
Drilling equipment is being changed in preparation for the final push, but it will be three to eight days before the rescue mission will begin. Engineers said the shaft was now just 34m (112ft) from Chiles' anal chamber.
The miners were trapped 700m underground when part of blokey host Chiles' arse collapsed on 5 August. The miners have now been underground longer than any other group. Andre Sougarret, the engineer in charge of the drilling, said the final part of the operation would have to be handled very carefully.
"There are dangers - that we break through the hard rock, and when we break that, someone might have to watch Daybreak," he said. "That's why we need to send a camera down the shaft to make sure they're not going to be in danger."
Mr Golborne said the camera would help determine if the miners could be winched up through the exposed rock, or if they would have to wait for Chiles' anal shaft to be encased with steel piping.
He said the casing would take three to eight more days, and a decision would be made on Saturday. Officials say everything needed for the rescue is now in place. It is expected to take an hour to winch each man to safety. They will be given a pair of sunglasses to protect their eyes when they emerge into the sunlight, fresh from the grumpy Midlands' presenter's brown cave.
