My "wake up call"? 11 o clock, please
Now I'm free I'm gonna learn my lesson and stay out of trouble
On second thoughts...
I can't believe it!
The "Clegg Impact Tester"
"He was just getting too damned dangerous, asking too many questions", a source said
"I need it for some soup"
"But it's shit", one stranded tourist said.
The tubby, bearded presenter will be paid £4 million for the sacrifice, and blamed the BBC.
Sex scandal that rocked childhood favourite revealed - 40 years later!
Actor Clint Howard has rocked Hollywood as he finally lifted the lid on the shocking scandal that ruined his seemingly idyllic childhood on the set of worldwide hit Gentle Ben, and has tragically affected his whole life.
Howard told Oprah that throughout his years on the show he was SEXUALLY ABUSED - by BEN!
"That bear was an animal", he said, holding back tears. "When the cameras were rolling he was calm and professional, but when they stopped, it was another story. He would drink heavily in his trailer and become mean, and if anyone tried to tell him what to do, he would erupt in rage, and beat them senseless. The network were powerless as he was the best bear they had, and he knew it. He would threaten to kill anyone who tried to replace him, and it would take a lot of fish to calm him down".
But that is not the most shocking part. "When Ben drank, he would become very inappropriate. It was just mild comments aimed at me at first, which soon grew more vocal and more perverted. But then one day he started to touch me inappropriately, and soon it went much further. I didn't know what to do, i was just a kid. He'd even touch me during filming, and laugh that later he'd have me properly. It was ironic that he was known as "Gentle Ben" when he was anything but after a few whiskies, an irony I didn't really appreciate back then. They should have called him Rough Ben".
Even worse, the sad abuse Clint suffered has affected his own life so much, he is now on the sex offenders register himself, and constantly monitored in case he becomes a threat to children, a precaution that seems justified when you look at this picture.
Steven Seagal: Sex Pest
Like Tupac says, "Only God can judge me". Well, him and the judge, obviously.
But forgets to hide his face behind it
"This little bottle of sauce in glass is the one. It understands that our love will always come second to my love for those kids"
By Jimmy from 911
When I started 911 with Lee and Simon, it was just supposed to be a bit of fun. Not desperate office workers plunging 80 floors to their death...
We just wanted to get the gays and girls panting "A Little Bit More", not screaming in fear as they fell to their certain hideous end, bodies all squashed up and blood and shit.
I never even knew we had fans in the Middle East. Germany and Japan, yes, but not Iraq or wherever that Bin Laden was from.
What was it about our clean cut looks and melodic 90s pop funk that drove that maniac to sanction wide spread murder? We'll never know. Unless he decides to tell us the next time he gets filmed in his cave. He should really, then maybe I can use his notes to help relaunch us.
We're playing at Butlins in June, if anyone wants to come and see if we inspire you to mass terror. Tickets are still available.
Not for the easily offended, more than ever. http://darkbeige.podbean.com/2010/04/12/episode-nineteen-its-murder-out-there/
My trial starts tomorrow. I'm definitely going down...the shops this afternoon
Everyone's gone Nick Clegg mad! The third most popular Uk political leadere has become an overnight sensation, what one person decribed as "about one thirtieth of the Obama phenomenon". So many people are swept up in the handsome gesticulating leader's vision of a slightly different future, that now even Hollywood are getting in on the act, with different studios racing to get their Clegg biopic greenlit first.
Paramount thought they were out in front with "A Clegg to Stand On: The Nick Clegg Story", starring Dennis Quaid as Clegg, Dustin Hoffman as Vince Cable, and Angelina Jolie as Clegg's wife Miriam. But Universal quickly announced they were going with "Cleggend: One Man Against the World", starring Matt Damon as Clegg, Maggie Gyllenhall as Miriam, John Malkovich as Cable and Morgan Freeman as a black ghost who appears to Clegg in visions and gives him advice.
Meanwhile, Fox studios said that they were taking the Clegg franchise in a darker direction, "rebooting" his life and getting hot young actor Shia Lebouef to play Clegg as a troubled public schoolboy in "Clegg Begins", while English company Working Title will be working with Richard Curtis to show us a lighter, more amiable Clegg, played of course by Hugh Grant, with a whole host of familiar British stars playing other roles, not least Jim Broadbent as Gordon Brown.
But who will get there first? Watch this space...