Anger at the banking system has got so bad that literally no bank or banker is safe. With Natwest in Luton set on fire and all Saturday staff at Barclays in Aberdeen executed, things had already got way out of hand before this week's G20 summit.
But no one could have realised things were so bad that even the mythical banker, who chats to Noel Edmonds via telephone on hit "opening random boxes" game show Deal or No Deal, was also in danger. But earlier today a breakaway anti-bank group calling themselves the Continuity anti bank brigade phoned the Guardian newspaper to announce that they would kill a high profile banker in the near future. Police naturally assumed the group would be targeting senior banking figures like Fred Goodwin, and rushed to add reinforcements to continuing round the clock protection protocols.
However, it was hours later live on Channel 4, at around 4.20 this afternoon, that everyone realised the demented group's true target, as host Noel Edmonds telephoned the banker for the first time that episode to hear his initial deal.
"What's that banker? You say a madman's got a gun to your head?", Edmonds said, initially mugging to camera and giggling along, presuming it was all a wind up. But as the one-way televised chat continued, it soon became clear that things had taken a sinister turn, as the colour drained from Noel's face, meaning his skin matched his ashen beard. "No, no, don't!", Edmonds pleaded, but it was too late, and the banker was executed live on the other end of the phone, with many viewers hearing the faint snap of a gun barrel exploding.
Edmonds fell to the floor in shock, no doubt realising he was the first TV host ever to have two people die live on his shows in his career. Recovering his poise later, the star said the incident was just another sad symptom of broken Britain, and vowed to fight Hemel Hempstead council on draconian health and safety laws.
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