dark beige

Dear Dennis,
Last week me and my boyfriend Dave were out drinking with his best mate, Rob. We all had way too much to drink and Dave and me ended up getting into a blazing row, with him storming off. I was really mad and determined that he wasn’t going to spoil my fun as usual, and Rob was up for staying out for a few more. We had a great time talking about Dave and all his shortcomings, it really was the best night out I’d had in months.

I didn’t really think about it, but I guess me and Rob were flirting a little – after all, he’s a very good-looking guy. He walked me home and I invited him in for a coffee. Dave was passed out, snoring on the sofa when we got in, so we sat in the kitchen, chatting. One thing lead to another and soon we were making passionate love on top of Dave’s sleeping body.
Now I can’t stop thinking about that stolen night of passion with Rob. I haven’t told Dave but I think he can tell that things aren’t the same. What should I do?

Shelley, Preston

Dennis says:

Dear Shelley,
Clive James there proving the old adage that a cock-up in the hand is worth two in the bush. This next bunch of calamitous clunkers, horrendous howlers and blatant blunders prove that you should never work with children or animals – or actors!

TORN APART BY LESBIAN LUST

Dear Dennis,
I’m a successful 40 year old woman who runs my own company. Recently I appointed a new secretary, a very pretty 21-year-old blonde, Sarah. We get on really well and she’s a great secretary. However, last week things took a serious turn when I asked her to stay late one night and help me finish some paperwork. We shared some wine as we worked, and soon were both a little sozzled. Sarah was telling me about her boyfriend Paul, who is too shy to sleep with her.
I was just saying how mad he must be to pass up an opportunity like her when I found myself putting my hand on her inner thigh. I felt embarrassed but she didn’t seem to mind, and before I knew it we were kissing passionately. We shared a great night of passion, but next day Sarah was acting like nothing happened, and I can’t stop thinking about her. Am I just as bad as a lecherous, dirty old man?
Paula, Hackney

Dennis Says: Dear Paula,
There is a saying in theatre land – it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady cocks it up. This batch of bloopers recalls that classic night at the London Palladium in 1957, when a young Bruce Forsyth found himself being introduced to the Queen – and mistook her for a waitress!

But she wasn’t there to serve him a cocktail – he was there to serve her a cock-up!