dark beige

Racial wedding gaff provided many a laff!


Good pals Mark Ryan and Simon Fowler, both from Leicester, recently nearly fell out - with groom Mark seeing red - because mate Simon looked black. Here's what had happened - "When I asked Simon to be an usher at my wedding, I obviously meant it in the normal sense - to show people to their seats, help out a bit and so on", Mark told us, "but dippy Simon, who to be fair, has always been a massive R & B fan, got the wrong end of the stick and thought I meant the black fella from America."

"I did think it a slightly strange request, if I'm honest", Simon continued, "but I always say a mate's a mate, and whatever they want, you should try to do. So I got a big tub of boot polish and started going down the gym, to get that famous six pack stomach. The only six packs I normally go for are courtesy of messrs S. Artois and C. Black Label, if you know what I mean!"

When the big day arrived, Simon arrived at the church and suddenly both delighted and horrified different sections of the congregation with his thrilling rendition of the smooth soul man's "You Make Me Wanna", his shirt stripped to the waist and his face and body covered in a combination of boot polish, creosote and marmite. "I kept sweating so nothing would stick," Simon added.

At first Mark and fiancee Jenny were furious, but eventually they saw the funny side, got Simon in a normal suit and carried on.

"Thank God the best man didn't think he was supposed to be R.Kelly is all I can say", Mark said (?).