dark beige

One from the vaults (but still resonant today, right kids?)

BUSH: AMERICA WILL NOT SLEEP UNTIL WE HAVE AVENGED THE DEATH OF BOB HOPE



FURY...BUSH

July 28, 2003: George Bush has reacted with intense anger to the death of veteran actor and entertainer Bob Hope. Hope passed away quietly in bed at his Los Angeles home, just two months after reaching his centenary.



QUIPS...HOPE

Friends and family members reported that Hope died peacefully and suffered no pain, quipping to the very end in his inimitable style "surprise me" when asked where he wanted to be buried. Let us not forget that it was humour like this that helped the allies win the war.

Furthermore, having lived to 100 in great wealth and comfort means that Hope’s death was anything but tragic. However, when asked to say a few words about the passing of Mr Hope, one of the last remaining entertainers of the golden era of Hollywood, President George W Bush flew into an incandescent fury, vowing to bring Saddam Hussein to justice for his terrible crime: "America is hurting deeply with the pain of the loss of Bob Hope. He was a young man, so full of life, his road to success only just begun, when the flame of H/hope was so cruelly snuffed by that tea-towel headed camel jockey Saddam Hussein."

At this point several aides were seen trying to move Mr Bush onto other subjects, but he continued: "This is one joke none of us wanted to hear. America is crying when it should be laughing, but make no mistake, this is one punchline we will have the last laugh with (?)".



BEMUSED...SHAOUM

American troops in Iraq are now reported to have carpet-bombed the home of Faizal Al Qum, an 87 year old Iraqi comic, in revenge. Mr Al Qum was well known in Iraq for his comedy character "Shaoum", a rural peasant who comes to Baghdad and is bemused by big city life. He once gave dictator Hussein a private performance of the character for twenty minutes in 1999. Now, he is dead, pulverised in revenge for the death of Bob Hope.

Another popular Iraqi comedian, known simply as "Karaz" is believed to have fled to Afghanistan. Bush warned: "Any nation found to be harbouring much-loved comedians will be dealt with in the same way".