dark beige

By WWE referee "Big" Bob Sager



I really hope that right now, while I devote all of my attention to the wrestler lying on the mat in front of me, imploring me with all his heart that I should look behind me because some kind of incident is going on, I really hope that this is just some kind of ruse to make me look foolish if I heed his words and do indeed turn and look.



I would really hate to look stupid, you see. At school, I was always seen as dumb, and laughed at in class. But the truth that no-one realised is that I was (and am) infact dyslexic, so it wasn't my fault. Indeed, I am a keen reader of weekend supplements and something of an intellectual. The memory of my cheek's burning in shame as my English lit essay was cruelly read out and laughed at by the entire class has meant that in adult life I go out of my way not to look stupid.

I'm not sure if that's what drove me to become a WWE referee, but it helps that I find these wrestlers generally so kind and honorable that I never worry about them trying to humiliate me.

Nevertheless, there are a few bad apples in the bunch, men like Dementor and Black Knight, who seem almost cartoonishly evil and hellbent on the destruction of all that's good.



Despite all that, and despite the 100,000 strong crowd all imporing me to look behind me, I will just hope that I'm right to keep looking this way and telling this noble wrestler off for illegally entering the ring, and in no way worry about the two evil wrestlers and their evil manager and one injured good wrestler behind me, not to mention all those folded steel chairs everyone seems to leave lying around.

I'm sure it will be fine.