By evil mutant, Krang
Shredder, I feel like we're going over old ground here. Yet again, I find myself imploring you to think a little more before acting, and not be so naive.
We've known each other for quite some time now; it seems like only yesterday that I somehow took command of an army of rock soldiers under the leadership of General Traag, and stole the Technodrome from Drakus. I hardly need to say what happened next: My brain was stripped of its body and exiled from Dimension X to Earth, along with my army and the Technodrome. While on Earth, I quickly allied myself with you and your robotic army.
I really took to you immediately - with your metallic face mask and your hatred of all that is good and right (personified for you, seemingly, in those damned Turtles!) you were a natural friend and ally to me, a weird little alien creature stuck in the belly of another man.
However, alarm bells soon rang at your childish levels of naivety. There was the Readers Digest lottery for one - a letter that told you you had definitely won a prize, and need only return the form to claim it, which you waved around with glee. Then there was the credit card that promised you need never pay back more than you can afford, and the Nigerian e-mailer that promised to deposit a huge amount of cash in your bank account, if you only gave him $10,000 up front.
But in your personal life it was even worse - the girl who told you it wasn't you, it was her (despite her months of trying to french kiss you through a metal mask), or the other girl who told you that she really liked you, but just wanted to be friends (yeah, right!). Your best man at your wedding said that it was "hard to know where to begin when listing the plus points of old shred-head" and you lapped it up, while even your own mom said she didn't want you to move back closer to her because "she didn't want to hold you back".
Don't you see what's going on? None of these people actually like you. They think you're a boorish wise-ass who can't stop going on about taking over the world, yet you naively think that this world domination talk is in some way charming (naive!)
I'm here to tell you it isn't, and until you wise up to the fact and quite simply grow up a little, you're never going to be a real man, and you're definitely never going to take over the world.
I know it sounds cruel, but I'm a real believer in tough love, so listen up, and wise up, you big baby.
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