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Butcher's death not in vain

It has been over seven years to the day since the body of 31-year old butcher Stuart Lubbock was found dead in the swimming pool of Michael Barrymore’s sprawling Essex mansion.


The fallout of the event has been severe, seeing one of Britain’s previously best loved entertainers exiled from our screens, forced to go on a very public road to forgiveness that seems far from over – if ever.

But in all the fuss surrounding the case, didn’t we all forget the person who really mattered? After all, it was young Lubbock who was found dead in a swimming pool, with severe anal injuries, not Barrymore, who is still alive (though possibly with severe anal injuries).

Despite being the one who lost his life so tragically, we hardly even talk about him anymore, indeed many can’t even remember the young lad’s name. All that is about to change, however, when the British meat industry launches their special Lubbock burger, in honour of their most famous son.




Speaking about the burger, Mark Cutlet from the British Meatpackers Association told us "For too long that Barrymore has stolen the headlines from poor Stuart. For God’s sake, if you’re going to be viciously bummed, the least you can hope for is your name to become synonymous with violent sodomy. But for Stuart, that never happened. It will now.


This delicious tender hamburger is 100% prime beef, with a hole ripped in the middle, revealing bloody shards of red meat, all smothered with a creamy, cheesy sauce. It perfectly represents the state of Stuart’s asshole by about 2 am. It’s kind of like a beef donut, really."

Cutlet recommends: "Have a pool party and get stuck into Stuart’s meat. Don’t let his anal torment have been for nothing".


The Lubbock burger will be on sale from Monday, and sales are expected to be strong.