WOMAN WHO ATTACKS POPULAR GEORDIE ACTOR WITH HAMMER GETS RIGHT TO THE HEART OF THE ISSUE
She really hit the Nail on the head
ANGER OVER SHARON STONE'S QUAKE REMARKS
Actress Sharon Stone has sparked criticism in China after claiming the recent earthquake could have been the result of "bad karma".
The US star, speaking at the Cannes Film Festival, linked the recent disaster to the poor box office returns for pretty much all her films in the past 16 years.
She said: "I thought, 'Is that karma?' When you are not nice, bad things happen to you.
Stone made her comments last week in a brief interview with a Hong Kong film crew. "I'm not happy about the way the Chinese are treating my movies because I don't think anyone should be unkind to anyone else," Stone said in footage widely available on the internet.
"They just didn't come to see Basic Instinct 2 like they were supposed to. And then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma?"
Ng See-Yuen, founder of the UME Cineplex chain and the chairman of the Federation of Hong Kong Filmmakers, called Stone's comments "inappropriate". According to a story in trade magazine Hollywood Reporter, he vowed not to show Stone's films in his theatres. UME has branches in Beijing, Shanghai, Chongqing, Hangzhou and Guangzhou, China's biggest urban movie markets.
Stone's comments also created a swell of anger on the internet, including at least one Chinese website devoted solely to disparaging her comments. The Beijing Times also reported that some major Beijing department stores had removed advertisements for cosmetic and couture giant Christian Dior, which feature Stone's image.
The earthquake struck south-west China on 12 May, leaving 68,109 people dead, with another 19,851 still missing.
WHAT ARE THE 80S ACTION HEROES PLAYING AT THIS TIME?
They're playing at being NBA legends now!
"I'll be Michael Jordan, as he's the all time great"
"I'll be Magic Johnson"
"I'll take Larry Bird"
"I'll be Patrick Ewing, as usual"
"I'll be Shaq"
AND YET MORE!
Playtime at 80s action hero school - Now they're playing Saved by the Bell
"I'll be Slater, because he got the chicks"
"I'll be Screech"
"I'll take Kelly"
"I'll be Jessie, as usual"
"I'll be Zac"
BACK BY UNPOPULAR DEMAND! MORE PLAYTIME WITH THE 80S ACTION HEROES
And the boys are playing at being Craig Charles' vices
"I'll be weed, 'cos that's a man's vice"
"I'll be (allegedly) raping women"
"I'll take being scouse"
"I'll be having a wank in the back of a cab, as usual"
"I'll be crack"
MAN MISUNDERSTANDS MEANING OF INTERNET DATING
"Ideally, I'm looking to date Yahoo. Though I've always had a soft spot for Google, too. But NEVER Firefox"
IF HARRISON FORD, SYLVESTER STALLONE AND BRUCE WILLIS CAN DO IT, SO CAN I
By Clive Swift, who played Richard in Keeping Up Appearances
I don't know if you've noticed it, but recently popular culture has been full of grizzled old timers making a comeback. From Indiana Jones cracking the whip once more at 65 at the cinema, to The Police and Genesis reforming at the stadium, to septuagenarian John McCain running for president and even Robert Mugabe holding on for just a few more years in his dictatorship, the motto seems to be: anything those young folks can do, we can do even better.
Well, I really like this empowering new ethos, and I want to get involved. That's why I'm dusting off the flat cap, cardigan and put-upon frown for another adventure as Richard Bucket, Hyacinth's ass-kicking, totally emasculated husband.
It's been 13 years since I hung up the hat; back then at just 59 I thought I was already getting a little old and tired for all those suburban driving and eye rolling stunts. But now I realise I was just warming up, and it was those ageist 90s that made me think I was past it. I've been down the gym three times a day for the last week, and I'm ready for more action!
I've spoken to Patricia Routledge about reappearing as Hyacinth, but she wasn't keen. Silly bitch has got fat and rich on the royalties from all those Hetty Wainthropp DVDs! But Josephine Tewson and David Griffin, who played hilarious brother-sister act Elizabeth and Emmet, were very keen - indeed I can't get David to stop calling!
Writer Roy Clarke also said he was too busy to get involved this time around, but said he wished me the best of luck. So I've taken that as a blessing for my new, self-penned adventure: Richard Bucket and the Lost Python of Rakamu.
The plot centres around an ancient amulet that Onslow discovers one day in a skip he is raiding for food. Realising it might be worth a bob or two, he shows it to man of the world Richard to evaluate.
Little do either men realise that by doing so, they have massively endangered their lives, as a combination of Nazis, Roman soldiers, prohibition era gangsters and Zulu warriors descend on their quiet suburb, hell bent on grabbing the amulet, and thus gaining control of the world's stock market.
The two are quickly cornered and are about to die, when notoriously musical neighbour Emmet distracts them with a singalong, while Elizabeth drops some crockery nervously, and in the ensuing ruckus, they all escape.
That's all I've got so far, but I reckon the rest should just fall into place. If Harrison Ford can do it, so can I!
