dark beige

By failed UK Eurovision entrant and former bin man, Andy Abraham

It's just not fair. Not only do I lose the X Factor 2005 to that tosser Shayne Ward (who can't even spell his own name), but I'm also absolutely robbed of my natural winning place at this year's Eurovision by all the political voting for Russia.

Worst of all, though, is the fact that every time anyone makes any reference to me in the media, they have to shoehorn in some comment about my being a bin man in the past. It's a load of rubbish.



They refuse to accept that I've got bags of talent, and simply recycle lame gags about my lowly past. They don't care that I'm a talented singer with loads of diverse influences, (like Garbage) and treat me like some kind of musical Bin Laden!



When I go for the weekly pick up of gossip magazines at my local newsagent, to see what they've written about me, my heart always sinks, leaving me down in the (municipal) dumps.

I just think it's a load of old shit, yet more evidence of our throwaway culture.