dark beige

The blooper-obsessed veteran Dennis Norden advises on your problems


Dear Dennis,

Last weekend I was out with the lads on a boozy night out when something very unexpected happened. We’d been downing pints and chasers for hours and I was in a right state, so my mate Michael took me back to his to crash out. We were just pissing around on the sofa when suddenly one thing had lead to another and we were snogging each other full on, and although I was very drunk I managed to maintain an erection long enough for us to have full on sex.

It was great. I’d never thought I was gay, nor Michael, but now I don’t know what to think! I’m too embarrassed to meet up with the lads again and keep pretending I’m ill, but I can’t do that forever, I’m not Martine McCutcheon. What am I going to do?

Tom, Ipswich


Dear Tom,
In the halls of television land, there is a well worn saying: "If you can remember not to cock things up, you’re probably not human"

Proving that particular maxim is this next batch of flabbergasting fluff-ups, manic mispronunciations and big time bodge-ups. As actor Richard Burton once said, "My kingdom for a script", and these clips certainly prove why!