dark beige

By Mike Thompson, British holidaymaker in Jamaica

What the hell is going on? I've been in Jamaica for three days now, and I haven't seen a single can of Lilt anywhere.

Yeah, I was supposed to be having a good time relaxing in the sun and looking at the scenery, but I couldn't help feeling something wasn't quite right; that I'd been cheated in some way.

First day we arrived I was inexplicably grumpy, which my wife Pauline picked up on. "I'm fine" I snapped when she asked what was wrong, but truth was, I wasn't, and I didn't know why.

Then yesterday it occurred to me when I saw a local man delivering bottles of Coca Cola and Fanta to the hotel kitchen - Here was a black man delivering soft drinks in the Caribbean - and there was no Lilt anywhere to be seen!



Where the hell was the famous "Lilt man"? He thrilled and entertained us in the 90s, as he cheekily delivered up the tangy crush to chilled out locals and even one or two sunburned tourists (the infamous "lobsters on the beach"), and I for one naturally assumed that this was an accurate slice of Caribbean life being shown.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kDpTinaRe4

My wife did always say she didn't think there really was a Lilt man, but I soon sorted her out. At the very least, even if I could grant the possibility that he didn't exist, I still felt sure that Lilt was so common over here, it was almost like tap water.

Now finally in 2008 we've come to Jamaica for our summer holidays and I am gutted to realise that they don't even sell it here! In fact, they've never heard of it!

What's going on, Lilt? Have you been lying to us all along? You wankers. It's totally ruined my holiday, and now I'm just going to sit here for the next 11 days, glumly seething with rage. And it's your fault.



Yesterday I briefly rallied when I overheard some tourists talking about a "lovely Lilt", but when I barged in and questioned them on what they were talking about, it turned out they were just saying that the Jamaican waiter's accent had a lovely lilt to it.

I became very angry.