dark beige

Eddie Murphy tells us about the laws that guide his epic celluloid canon of work

• Never risk being upstaged by a co-star; instead star in every role the film demands yourself, utilising hilarious prosthetic technology and silly accents.


• Always appear in as many sequels to your movies as possible, no matter how little anyone demands one, nor how much time has passed.


• Children and animals are also good co-stars, as they'll never need poster billing or a high salary.


• Slowly strip away any goodwill your early career afforded you year on year, until people almost can't separate the new shit you and the old good you.


• Follow these rules, and you should be fine!