dark beige

By Chip Managan, 17

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that every single teen movie out there shows you high school life from the point of view of some kind of non-jock loser? Whether it's an out and out unathletic geek, or just some kind of 'somewhere in the middle' nerd, these vulnerable assholes are always rightly being bullied and humiliated by matching jacket wearing jocks, who make their lives hell, degrade and emasculate them, and where possible, date the girls of their dreams but treat them like shit.

All good, you might be saying, and I agree, but the thing is, they actually make it look like there's something wrong with this kind of behaviour, like there's anything remotely worthwhile about what these non-sporty, less cool types have to say. It's as if these people deserved to live, or something. By the time most of these horrific teen movies have ended, it's us good old Todds and Chips and Chads that are lying face down in the mud, being humiliated in public while these nerds steal our slutty girlfriends, but instead of just getting up and hospitalising them, we somehow accept that this humiliation was what we deserved all along, and begrudgingly move along.

I just don't get it. When is Hollywood gonna cater for OUR demographic, the 98.9% of American high school males that ARE total assholes, instead of just worrying about this gay ass 1.1% who can actually empathise with Shia LeBouef?

Come on fags, make Jock: The Movie, before it's too late.