dark beige

The forgetful football star explains away some key moments in history





9/11 - I don't understand why people get so upset about it. It was just all a big misunderstanding. It was just that Bin Laden was larking around and took some pictures of the twin towers in all their glory, and then forgot about it, and lent his phone to his mate. Soon, his mate was pretending to be him, texting jihadists in the middle east, teasing them with the footage. Bin Laden would be laughing if his foot didn't hurt so much.



Princess Diana's death

Diana didn't die in that tunnel. She wasn't chased by the paparazzi and it wasn't a conspiracy by the British government. What happened was Diana took some photos of herself driving her car, and she accidentally forgot to delete them. Then she gave that phone to Dodi Al Fayed and when he saw her naked body, he crashed the car in shock (?). It was tragic.



The Soham Murders

Ian Huntley so didn't do it. I'd be laughing if my foot didn't hurt so much. What it was is that he took some pictures of Holly and Jessica on his phone (where is this going?- Ed), and then he forgot about them. He sold the phone to Maxine Carr and when she saw the pics she got the wrong end of the stick and was angry. Then they drowned in the bath because he was too busy explaining the embarassing situation away to notice them there (?)

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2850694/X-rated-Ashley-Cole-photos-sent-to-topless-model.html