dark beige

By Paul Young

Hi, I’m Paul Young, the famous British singer. No, not the one who died of a heart attack. The other one. Remember? No? Well maybe I should just say that Wherever I lay my hat, that’s my home, but although I’m not in love, I’m never Sensa una donna! (the English translation is "Without a woman").

No? Still? Well then get with the times, old man!! These kids may be able to resist the lure of sex and drugs, but they can’t live without rock and roll!

Anyway, I’m not just a rock star; I also like to dabble a little in current affairs. I like to think I’ve made a difference before; removing a public pathway from the back of my garden, for example, and campaigning for a change to UK tax laws. But now I’ve stumbled on something massive. I mean fucking huge.



We all know about the tragic and terrible events of September 11, 2001. The world, and also America, was rocked to its very core on that day, when evil fanatics bought a series of tragic and intensely shocking incidents into play, intent only on death and destruction to its hated nemesis, the USA. This, they said, was the day the world stood still. And fell over.

Or rather, that’s what the powers that be would have you believe. But I have some shocking and terrible news; potentially more shocking than when I came on stage and raised the roof at the 1989 Nelson Mandela tribute concert with my own take on Crowded House’s power-pop classic "Don’t dream it’s over".

I’ve looked into this ‘9/11’ and I can hardly believe that I’m the only one to see what’s really going on. Absolutely nothing happened on that day! They’ve been having us all on!

"But Paul", I hear you say, "what about the hijacked planes? The twin towers of hope, brought down by the planes of hate? What about New York City itself, that wily old fisherman that taught us all to love again with its marble-faced bravery and resilience?" All lies.

(I also hear you saying, "Paul, what about a little acapella version of Sensa una donna while you’re here?" Sorry guys, you’ll just have to buy my greatest hits!)

The sorry truth is that nothing of any relevance happened on 9 /11. The following day, there was an air crash in Queens, I grant you, but that wasn’t terrorism. No, the 9th November 2001 was just a day like any other for the world: the market fluctuated, some people died, some celebrity probably had a baby; that’s about it.

So what the hell’s going on, America? Do you think you can simply kick the face of truth with the jackboot of lies? Swig from the milk of freedom and then laughingly spit it out on the floor of tyranny?

Well, this rock and roll star for one will not accept it. And just wait until I tell Zucchero what you’ve been up to! That crazy Italian bastard will stick his guitar up your arse – without any oil.

Oh no, hold on a minute.
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