Hammer killer and high risk sex offender Levi Bellfield advises on your personal problems.
STEP BROTHER = STEP LOVER
Dear Levi,
I'm a 21 year old care worker, Donna. A couple of months ago my mum Susan, 57, remarried a lovely man called Terry, who she met at her work. She's been very lonely ever since my dad passed away when I was very young, and I was delighted for her, as Terry's such a nice man.
However, here's the problem - at the wedding reception, I was introduced to Terry's son, James. He's a few years older than me and very good looking, and due to his estate agent job, definitely has the gift of the gab! As I'm sure you can imagine, the booze flowed into the night, and me and James got more than a little flirty; infact we ended up in bed together! It was the greatest night of passion of my young life, but in the morning we both felt ashamed and haven't spoken since. I can't get him out of my mind, but I also feel so guilty. Should I tell my mum?
Donna, Leeds
Dear Donna,
I done her round the head, the slag. She threw two hand up in air to protect herself; but I smash it away, and carry on about my business. That will teach her to smirk at me!
SEX WITH MUM'S MATE WAS HANDED ON A PLATE
Dear Levi,
I'm a young, lusty lad of just 19 years old. I never had much luck with girls in my earlier teens, but have made it up in recent years as my good lucks have blossomed and I've come out of my shell.
But recently things got a little out of hand, as even my mum's mates have started flirting with me! Usually I don't worry about it - most are dried up old menopausal hags with complexions like spam meat - but my mum's friend Julie looks a bit like an older Melanie Griffith, if you really, really, really squint.
Recently at my mum's 50th we started flirting and one thing lead to another - to be specific, a DRINK lead to SEX.
Now I have to keep avoiding her, and I think my mum's starting to get a little suspicious. What do I do?
Paul, Kent
Dear Paul,
Little blonde bitch fought she were better than me, but I showed her. I showed her good and proper. That's the only language they understand.
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