dark beige

Jamie suddenly realised that while he knew his 1993 Radio 1 Roadshow T-shirt was a cool and ironic purchase from a fashion website, costing him over £30, to the casual observer he might just look like a day release mental patient who hangs around bus shelters smiling hopefully at kind-looking young men.

Jamie saw that there was a danger that his accompanying outfit and accessories were not uber-hip enough to fully convince someone who did not know him and his dryly post-modern wardrobe, that he wasn’t just a mentalist.

A distressed Jamie told us "I was wearing some Nike tracky bottoms that I got from J-D. They’re a little bling-bling but that’s how I like to rock it sometimes. On my feet I had some wacked-out old Converse that look really beat up, on that whole Steve McQueen tip. On an ordinary day, combined with some different items, both could have made up one half of a seriously cool, don’t-give-a-fuck double whammy.

Maybe if the pants were completed by some new ice white Nike dunks from the States, or the Converse went with some classic ripped Levis, I would have looked on it. But when I looked down I realised I just looked a bit like a tramp".

The problems didn’t just stop there, unfortunately. "My hair was a little wild, and I was rocking the bed-head look, but you know sometimes you actually look like you’ve just got out of bed? It was one of those ones.

All this combined with the Radio 1 t-shirt, which has given so many people so many hours of pure pleasure when seen with a retro Reebok windcheater, a dustman’s coat or even a Sergio Tacchini golf jacket, and I frankly looked like a local unemployed".

Jamie is now taking steps to ensure that it never happens again. "From now on I’m going to make sure that I’m never wearing more than two ironic items at any one time. It’s one thing to be a cunt, but it’s quite another to look like one".