dark beige

Here our residential menopausal columnist casts her eye over the past 7 days




French president Nicholas Sarkozy might think he looks virile and manly with anorexic bag of bones Carla Bruni hanging on his arm, but wise up Mr Frenchman - you don't. You just look like a sad, pathetic man, the type who might well leave an attractive, opinionated woman of 56 for a younger, supposedly sexier model (I imagine).

Well, let me put it this way, Mr Snail Eater - don't ask Carla to help you with the crossword clues...


There's a fine line between being young and attractive and being sad, deranged mutton dressed as lamb - as our current Miss England must know...




Is it just me, or does Gisele Bundchen have cellulite?..





No one wants to see it, page 3's Keeley - put them away. Most men would rather chat to a woman who can critique Mike Leigh's last movie...




I really hate myself...love me?

Please?