dark beige

Our resident GP advises on your medical problems




Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains Andy, Birmingham

Really? What kind of curtains? Draw-pull or traditional roller? Either way, I have to be honest and say that this sounds like a very serious psychocogical disorder. I'm no expert, but feeling extreme levels of empathy for common household furniture sounds like you have a mental affliction of some sort. I suggest you book an appointment with your local mental health unit, or at least go for a swim or something.



Doctor, doctor, I feel like a snooker ball Jane, Glasgow

Again, this doesn't sound like my area of expertise. I'm a GP, I deal with coughs, colds, that kind of thing. Maybe a sprained ankle at best. A sensation that you are some kind of ball used in a popular pastime suggests that as a child you may have been sexually tampered with by your mother (in my layman's opinion). See a specialist about this.





Knock, knock Mike, Kingston

Who's there?

Doctor.

Yes?

No...doctor

Yes, that's me. Doctor Doctor, to be exact.

No - doctor!

Who is this?!



Exactly!...sort of.

I'm going to bed, I'm very tired.