dark beige

By John Bender, the Eternal Teen Rebel

What the fuck is happening to my name? It's being taken in vain left, right and centre!

Back in the mid-80s, the name Bender stood for something: it stood for teen rebellion, angst, attitude and wearing many layers of clothing indoors.

The name John Bender struck fear into the hearts of any High School principal, just as John Rambo struck fear into the hearts of small town sheriffs.

But in recent years it's been co-opted by a load of flakes and fruits that have denigrated it's true meaning. I've had enough.



What the fuck is this "Bender in a Bun" bullshit being served up by some lame burger outfit called "Wimpy" in the UK? It looks disgusting!



I also found these assholes on the internet, claiming to be "The leader in ground fault protection". I don't even know what that means, but it sure don't sound very rebellious!



This cartoon robot is kind of a bad ass, but he still ain't stealing my thunder!



And what is this I'm being told that in England a "bender" is slang for a gay? I'm gonna get on a plane and come over there and kick some ass!