Londoners have been warned to watch out as they go about their businesses, as the city is on "critical alert" after some of the country's leading critics have gone on the rampage, intent on causing mayhem.
Art critic Brian Sewell forced his way into a cafe in Wimbledon Village, and angrily buggered a blackboard, obscuring diners from seeing what the specials were. 
TV critic Ally Ross tried to blow himself up outside the BBC, and food critic Jay Rayner actually criticised a young child to death in Notting Hill.
Meanwhile Mark Cousins was found making threats to the Odeon Leicester Square.
Critical heavyweight Julie Burchill laid siege to an inner city comprehensive, taking all 250 pupils and teachers hostage, but told police she had no intention of killing anyone. "These are real, working class people" she said. "When they grow up they could thrill us in the next Girls Aloud or wow us in Big Brother."
Londoners are advised to stay indoors, and away from any aspect of life that could be criticized.
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1 Comment
Don't ask me to apologise. The kid was asking for it. He was so damn jejeune.
Jay Rayner
Posted on 2 July 2008 at 08:20
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