dark beige

Ever wondered which Victoria you most resemble - skinny superceleb Victoria Beckham, funny Northern bowlhead Victoria Wood, victim of horrific abuse and official neglect Victoria Climbie, or busy London terminus, Victoria station?

Well, take our quiz and find out!

Question 1. You see a pound coin on the pavement in the street and realise it must have been dropped. What do you do?

a) You gather paparazzi to show that you're down with the latest "picking up money" trend from Milan.

b) You write a twenty five minute monologue with accompanying piano music about how being a middle aged woman is a lot like being a pound coin on the pavement - once people know you must have been dropped, they're too scared to pick you up.

c) You don't do anything, you're too busy being abused and systematically failed.

d) With over 100 square miles (maybe) of paved public surfaces within your walls, if you did stop to pick up every pound coin dropped inside yourself, you'd be a millionaire several times over! (maybe).

2. Which phrase do you use the most in any 24 hours?

a) What?

b) Men are shit but chocolate's great.

c) Help! Please!

d) Fast train to Portsmouth Harbour leaving from platform 9.

3. Your idea of heaven would be:

a) A fun day out at Euro Disney with David and the kids.

b) A fresh cut bowl, a big bar of Dairy Milk and a medley of bittersweet observations on men.

c) Remaining dead.

d) The so-called "holy grail" of 100% punctuality on the Gatwick Express! I know we can do it if we all pull together!

How did you do?