R Kelly, singer: "Just not sure, man. Now if you'd have said piss, I'd have had a good idea"
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Gary, plumber: "In my wife's face, ideally"
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Barack Obama, US President elect: "The faeces of change is coming, and we as a nation have embraced its warming touch. Ask not where you would most like to shit, but where America most demands to be shat upon"
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Anthony Costa, ex-Blue singer: "I always reckoned I'd like to shit myself in the Seychelles"
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Gentle Ben, bear: "The woods"
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