By John McBride, an Australian man caught in the middle of the terrible Victoria fires
Listen mate, I won't tell you twice: just rack off, will ya? I'm not kidding.
When I first saw you I thought you might be a half decent bloke, but you're just a total drongo. Sure, I could tell you were a bit of a Larrikin with all those flames and the destroying people's homes and what not, but I realise now I must have had too many cold ones to think you were a straight up bloke. Just like you've had too many hot ones.
I love a barbie as much as any Aussie guy, but I didn't expect Sheilas and utes to be on the bloody menu! You've even destroyed all my Lamingtons and Anzac biscuits, you big flaming Gala!
Seriously, just rack off mate, before I do something I regret.
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