dark beige

Now, I’m not being funny or nothing, but aren’t we all taught not to tell tales? At the end of the day, Reno Rains (that’s Renegade) snitched on his buddies, so maybe he deserves to be out there on the run? Another thing is, they’re always going on about these so-called badlands he’s prowling, but exactly how big are they supposed to be? I mean, like, every week, he’s out riding on his motorbike in the same place and yet not once do the police catch up with him? Or anyone else see him and go, “Shit! Isn’t that the guy who’s wanted by the police?” (I forgot to mention that they framed him for murder after he snitched on them). I mean, if he was supposed to be some killer on the run, wouldn’t he actually run somewhere, not just hang around some small town in California, and continue to solve crime?

Don’t get me wrong or nothing, I like the show, but it just burns me up when things like that don’t make any sense. I like the other dude, his best buddy, a native American called Bobby Sixkiller. You’ve gotta see this guy’s mullet! It rocks! And I love his real name: Branscombe Richmond. He sounds like a bad ass. But Renegade’s real name is Lorenzo Lamas. See what you can do there? That’s right – Lorenzo Lameass. And it’s probably a name he made up himself. What a dick!

There’s also this blonde chick in it who’s another good guy, and she’s one of those weird ones who’s kinda hot – but at the same time, she kind of looks like a mom shopping at the mall. Do you know what I’m talking about? I think this show’s from like 1994 or something, and it seems to me that all women looked like that back then. Like you’ll rent some Van Damme movie and his love interest (who always, I repeat always, gets to see his goddamn ass) will be kind of blonde with big hair and tight jeans with a tucked in white shirt. Like, they always wear that same outfit! What was it with women back then? I mean, I get the whole Winona thing, don’t get me wrong, although she will still NEVER be the Goddess that is Vanessa Hudgens, but most of these other chicks you see in movies from back then look like they’re going to watch their kid play soccer or something!

Anyway, I’m kinda getting off the point. Renegade rocks – check it out. Another show me and my buddies have always loved is Police’s Scariest Shootouts with the biggest bad ass ever, Sheriff John Bunnell. You know the guy – he’s got grey hair slicked back, a real big jaw, kinda like that dick William Devane, and he’s always justifying how the police have to kill everyone they see!

Like me and Jake where watching one where there was some dude who was trying to get out of his car and they just shot him dead! And sure enough, Bunnell was like “The police had to do it. They had no other choice. He could have been armed!” And we were like, “No way dude, he had his hands up!” Now we’re saying that shit all the time, like the other day Jake trips Randy over and he’s like “I had to do it! You could have been armed!”, and we were laughing for like ten minutes! It was such a blast!

Randy didn’t seem to like it, though. He can be such a jealous dick. Like, just because he’s not into Sheriff John Bunnell, he seems real sore that me and Jake are. But when him and Jake went to watch The Dark Knight without even inviting me, was I all pissy about it? Was I hell!