dark beige

School's out! I’m like totally on vacation and don’t got nothing to do all day! I can get up anytime I want! Well, OK, mom will start making shit loads of noise if I’m still in bed past eleven, but that don’t really bother me. Easter man, lazy days. What a blast! Anyway, with all this extra time on my hands, I’ve actually taken to reading. No, seriously! I read some book by a guy called Ellis Peter, it’s called Cadfael. It’s like a true-life book from the eleventh century or something, about this monk who solves all these crimes. Now you might be thinking “Eric, how many crimes can a monk realistically solve?” Well, stop player hating! Back then, like, everyone was a total bad ass, and they’d always be killing each other over anything? Haven’t you even seen A Knight’s Tale, dude?

Anyway, now I’m trying to read a book called The Catcher in the Rye. Who writes this shit? This guy gets thrown out of college and goes to New York and just basically hangs around acting like a fag? If I wanted to know about that I’d just follow Peter Purnell from math on his vacation! Bad, bad shit.

Other stuff: The way these rappers are always having beef with each other is like, the coolest thing about the whole scene. Like, I didn’t mind Eminem but generally I don’t really like rap. I much prefer rock, man. But why don’t those guys ever shout each other out like they do in rap?

Wouldn’t it be so much better if you had, like James Hetfield from Metallica threatening to pistol whip Anthony Keidis and have his buddies buttfuck him if he ever looks at his girlfriend again? Or Bono stabs Bruce Springsteen or someone because he said his style was wack on a track?

Why don’t they do this? All you ever hear is people pissing and moaning that hip-hop’s now bigger than rock, and it ain’t right. Well, do something about it! I guarantee you, if you can combine drive-by shootings and shankings with long hair, heavy riffs and crashing drum solos, everyone would be happy. But these idiots always think they know better than to listen to the little guy. Wise up!

My parents are going to Canada for the weekend, and they’re leaving me here alone! Well, with my sister, but she’ll be way too busy getting poked by her lame-o boyfriend Todd to know what we’re doing. I can’t wait! It’s going to be, like, a blast!

I really want Randy to get some girls over, man. But he’s all coy like he doesn’t know who to ask. But I know that he knows that Suzie Reeves has totally got the hots for him, and if he says he wants her to come and bring a few buddies (for me and Jake), she’ll totally have to say yes!

But that dick’s just all like “I don’t know who to ask”. Me and Jake want to punch him in the face when he says it!