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Outspoken rock star and political speaker / Robin Williams doppelganger in shock outburst!

U2 singer Bono has today revealed for the first time the soul crushing depression that gnaws away at his soul, causing an unbearable sense of ennui.

"I just really can't be arsed anymore", he told the Dublin Times, "can't be bothered to pretend to still be cool behind my shades when I'm nearly 50, can't pretend to give a shit about global warming or AIDS in Africa when I'm really just thinking about lying by the pool in my South of France mansion, being served by cheap ethnic staff while I count my money and have my hat flown round the world".




Bono nobly talked of the brave struggle he now faces: the struggle to even pretend to still be an exciting outsider, a rebel voice of protest, when he has infact been a millionaire for over 25 years and will go to any length to protect and add to his vast fortune.

"It's become so tiring trying to sing a song that isn't totally meaningless, trite shit. So hard to pretend that anything you have to say means anything worthwile at all. That's why I've had to hide behind those shades, and why we all have to hide behind loud, overblown videos and repetitive guitar solos".

Finally breaking down, the weary inspirational Irish hero admitted: "I'm a charlatan, a festering, talentless shit. Nothing I do is of any worth...this pain has honestly fuelled me in this, our latest, comeback album, a true return to form. We're back, and rawer than ever. I mean it".