dark beige: ERIC MENERHAUER - I DON'T WANT TO BE A WRITER WHEN I GROW UP

ERIC MENERHAUER - I DON'T WANT TO BE A WRITER WHEN I GROW UP

Posted by Posted by Dark Beige On 22:11

Tuesday June 9th, 6.19pm

School blows as usual. Not only did I get an E on my history assignment, but then I got a C in my English test! I mean, I'm only really hitting a C minus average overall, so I should be happy enough, but English has always been one of those easy subjects you don't have to really do any work for, that I'd relied upon to drag up my average. If all the classes I take were lined up in a row, like kids in a photo being sorted by height (with the height corresponding to how good I am at that subject), then English would be a Terry Parnell, if you know what I'm saying.

Actually, you may not know. Well, Terry Parnell was in my eighth grade form class and he was real tall. He had a weird beard, too. He looked like an uncle or something. I'm sorry about that whole 'ability as height' analogy, it was a little confusing. It was banal. A banalogy. But what I'm basically trying to say is, I should be good at English. I mean, I write this shit, and it's at least less gay than Harry Potter.

But don't be getting me wrong now and think that I'm another walking teen cliche who wants to be some gay writer when he grows up. I hate that shit. It's so cheesy. Like in every book and film and TV show (usually starring Katie Holmes...even if it's a book), there's some lame ass teen character who's all like ordinary and everymannish, and likeable and shit, some young dick who's just like an observer on everything, kind of the main character but not quite the hero, if you know what I'm saying.

This cheesy young ass will always be carrying a notebook and jotting notes and shit, like "ooh, look at me, I want to be a writer someday", and he's all like unsure of himself and shit, and maybe he wants to bone some chick but he probably doesn't, he loses out to some big chinned dickwad called Brant or Chad or Brad or something. He has like, the night of his life, but he still ends up a total loser in detention or something. But in the process, you just know what this asshole learns, don't you? That's right, an ass clown life lesson. Later on, this ass uses this same lesson to become a famous writer. The whole thing makes me sick.

I hate all that lame shit. I don't want to be a writer when I grow up. I told you already, I want to be a male porn star. Seriously.

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