Posted by Posted by Dark Beige On 20:33

Friday 19th June, 5.23pm

I am FINALLY on vacation for the summer. It feels so good. Today I slept 'til like, half eleven, and I could have easily managed another couple of hours sleep if that boner Randy hadn't phoned me like, A MILLION TIMES. Seriously, he just wouldn't stop, man. And when I finally answered, he just wanted to tell me about this turd he'd done that looks a little like Ryan Seacrest. He's already filmed it and put the footage on YouTube, and so far it has 8000 hits.

Anyway, I've basically done nothing all day but watch cable, eat food and drink coffee. It's my new thing, coffee, I like the caffeine buzz and it makes everyone seem like even more of an asshole, but less capable of stopping you with their suckiness. My mom was out all day with her part time job, but she told me that I should go out and walk around town and go into shops and restaurants and ask about jobs and stuff.

Man, that whole idea just sucks at every level. Like, as if there's all these assholes out there just waiting behind their crummy counters in their crummy little jobs, just waiting for young gun Eric to walk in off the streets, enquiring about work. Those faggots would be offering me a job alright - a blow job. And I may be real horny right now, but things ain't that bad.

No, mom wasn't around, so what she doesn't know won't harm her - I'll just tell her that I went out on my bike and tried a few places and got some forms and shit. I've worked the whole thing out. There "isn't too much going on right now because of the credit crunch", but that some people said they'd keep my details on file. I might even tell her that I had a good vibe at the sushi place at the mall, that it's just a feeling. Chicks always buy that shit (is it creepy calling my mom a chick? I'm not sure).

I watched an old Quincy and a Fresh Prince and a Saved by the Bell, and I couldn't help but wonder about what would happen if the three shows united for a special, where Philip Banks dies on a visit to Bayside High, and Quincy investigates and suspects a conspiracy.

I've been thinking today about the chicks I most want to bone, and I think I've finally worked out my top 5:

5. Lisa Hames

4. Kate from Lost

3. Randy's Mom

2. The undercover cop from Vegas

1. Megan Fox


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