Friday 21st August, 2009, 7.12pm
Will Ferrell wants to be a jockey, but he's really tall. And a total asswipe. But he still makes it. 'Elf on a horse'.
I HATE MY LIFE. Have to get up every damn day and go to the stupid mall and work at Tile World, the most retarded store on earth. The people there are so friggin' stupid! It beggars belief, or begs belief, or whatever the hell that lame ass phrase is. The guys are all bumbling pedophiles in short sleeve shirts and ties who bring in their own gay silver coffee holders and talk about sports and shit that no one actually cares about, or they're hard working Asian geeks, or wiseass losers who are still kidding themselves that this is just a phase in their life that won't last forever.
On that basis, they're pretty much ready to go in just about ANY Judd Apatow movie, starring Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill and any other asshat with a big frizzy Jewfro. Not being funny or nothing, I kinda like all those movies, but have you noticed that they've basically re-released the same movie about 100 times now? I got so bored at work arranging tile displays, I started to think about other Apatow style movies that are probably coming soon...
Will Ferrell wants to be a jockey, but he's really tall. And a total asswipe. But he still makes it. 'Elf on a horse'.
Will Ferrell is a childish adult, but now HE's got to run a nursery! What will he do?
Will Ferrell is blind, but now he's got to run an optician!
Will Ferrell's best friend is turned into a whale. Now he must travel to sea world to set him free.
Adam Sandler is just a big angry manchild, but he's actually amazing at baseball.
Seth Rogen is a man who turns into a bear. But when his family comes to the park with a picnic, will he attack them?
Seth Rogen is a giant asshole. Paul Rudd is a sphincter. It's the ultimate bromance pairing
Will Ferrell is Seth Rogen's father, but he acts like his son! But when a baby is left on their doorstep, they BOTH have to grow up fast
When Will Ferrell is left a bear in the terms of a will, he has to grow up fast, in a great big bear hug of a comedy
Jonah Hill & Paul Rudd are two men whose girlfriends are total bitches. They really want to bone each other, but instead get new girlfriends.
Adam Sandler is retarded. But he's also really good at fishing.
Steve Carrell and Seth Rogen are two bungling stoner hitmen, sent to kill each other!
Seth Rogen is a primary school teacher who falls in love with his blackboard.
ADAM SANDLER FUCKS A DOLPHIN, AND LEARNS A LIFE LESSON.
It makes me wanna puke, man. Not The Hangover, though, that film kicks ass for the Lord.
Other stuff: Tiffany is actually really boring. Hot but boring. The upside of the whole hearing aid thing is that we don't talk on the phone, which is a relief, as she's so damned dull. She just keeps talking about Twilight and True Blood and shit. Like, "vampires are gay, honey, get over it!" But no, she won't. And she's pretty prudish too. I tried to make a little joke about how I had a little blood somewhere on my body that needed sucking, but she didn't bite. Which might have hurt if she took the whole vampire thing too literally.
It all presents me with something of a tough decision, as next week we're FINALLY going to go to Florida for our vacation - me, Randy, Jake and Paul Jones. I just KNOW that there's going to be hot chicks in need of a boning left, right and centre. I've seen Girls Gone Wild, man! So...what to do? Do I stay faithful to Tiffany, or do I step up the plate and become Casa-bone-a? It's hard. Just thinking about it makes me hard.
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